What You Are Looking For Is Right Where You Left It

As I write this last Eurotrip e-mail, I am returning to New York. I
had a hard time deciding where to end my trip because there are so
many places in Europe that I still want to see. But ultimately, I
decided to come back to Dublin. For one thing, the flights are significantly
cheaper to NYC from here. But for another, I thought it would
be appropriate to end where I started- both a long and short two
months ago for me.

I got in late on Sunday night and felt the urge to go out
because it had been a long day of transporting here and
there. When I checked into my hostel and overheard a few people say
they were going out for a drink so I said, "I know I don't know you,
but can I come?" They said absolutely, so we went to a great pub, had
overpriced Guinnesses, and listened to traditional Irish music. I was
so euphoric that I decided to come back to Dublin, and I couldn't wipe
the smile off my face the whole night.

I spent the next day walking around, visiting the shops, and just taking
everything in. Later, I met up with my Mass Potato! For those
of you have actually been reading these incredibly long entries, you
might recall Steve (aka the Irish Red Sox fan that I met at the airport
on my third day in Europe). We went out for dinner at a cute little pub,
walked around the city, and had an absolute blast. We laughed for hours
about the silliest things, took lots of silly pictures throughout the city, made
friends with a few other people, and talked about what a small world
it was and how lucky we were to have become friends over a silly
conversation on an airport queue.

My last night in Dublin- and of this trip- could not have been more
perfect or fun. It summed up everything the past two months have meant
to me. It's been about making new friends, being open to adventure,
laughing a lot, savoring each moment, and enjoying the random places,
people, and things that shape who we are becoming. I thought it would be
appropriate to ask Steve for advice again since he gave me one of my very
first pieces of advice back in June. This time, he said "Follow your heart."

And really, what better advice could you get? Yes, it's important to:
keep up the travels, live life to the full, work hard, let love find
you, keep a smile on your face, be a good person, eat crunchy peanut
butter, love a lot of people, try everything at least once, vive la
vida loca!, trust your gut, not take life too seriously, let life make
you free, let freedom be your guide, cultivate love, live with no
regrets, not eat yellow snow, know that everything works out in the
end, be thankful for what you have, never assume, take time to
pretend, recognize that the journey is the reward, remember the past,
live in the present, and dream for the future.

...But what do any of these things mean if, at the end of the day, you
aren't following your heart? After hearing such amazing advice from
people all over Europe, I realized that only we know how to live our
best lives. The best advice comes from within, from the heart. All of
the answers we could possibly wish for lie within us, and it is merely
a matter of time, faith, and ambition before we live our way into the
right ones.

When I think back to my three favorite places on this trip- Ios,
Dublin, Valencia- I am in awe of a few things. For one, my favorite
places had nothing to do with the beauty of the places themselves
(though they were all beautiful in their own way). They had to do with
the people I met there. I can say with complete honesty and clarity
that the relationships I've made on this journey have been my ultimate
source of joy and the best possible reward. The other thing that
surprised me is, of these three places, I was not planning on going to
two of them. And of the third- Dublin- I really didn't expect to like
it all that much. But life is constantly surprising us, and I learned
that if we don't give the things that are new to us a chance, we risk
being completely unentertained, unsurprised, and uninspired.

We've all heard the saying: "The best things in life come when you
least expect it." But WHY? Why does this happen? The best explanation
I can come up with is that these pleasant surprises are there as an
occasional reminder of how malleable we are. We can't ever know
ourselves fully because every moment, we are changing. The point is
not to think you know yourself so well that you can predict how you'll
react to what has yet to happen. Without a doubt, we will surprise
ourselves just as much- if not more than- we will surprise others. But
what would life be if it wasn't all a big surprise? It would be
empty...we would be empty. And personally? I look forward to shocking
(in a good way) myself and others for years to come.

I've also learned that we must be patient with ourselves. Not everyday
is a good day. Some days are just awful! On this trip, I've felt
cranky, sick, fatigued, angry, frustrated. But those
moments were fleeting, and they were a very small price to pay for the
joy of travel and feeling, at the end of the day, that you are doing
what you want to do and living the life you've dreamed up for
yourself.

I've often asked myself, "What did I do to deserve such a privileged
life? What makes me any different than the guy who sits on the corner
begging for money, or the woman who works three jobs just to feed her
children?" People tell me it's the result of hard work and ambition.
But is the woman with three jobs not working hard? Is the bum's desire
to live even if it means he has to beg...is that not ambitious enough?
The simple truth is that, at the very basic level, nothing separates
one human being from anyone else. At the end of the day, we are all
human...no more, no less than any other human. In general (though
there are always a few exceptions to rules), we all deserve happiness,
comfort, stability, love. How we differ is in how we seek out these
things. The only hope I have for myself is that I can look back 50
years from now, say that I found these things, and that I did my best
to help others find them as well.

I've learned that each moment is a decision. With each breath, we lose
a little piece of who we were in exchange for a little piece of who we
will be.

One quite challenging, but ever-present lesson I learned on this
journey is that sometimes you have to let people go, with an
understanding that every relationship has its time and place. The
people that are meant to stay in our lives will. But, we also have to
make the effort when it is warranted if we want to keep them around.
Though I've met lots of people on this trip, I'll probably only stay
in regular contact with a few. While this makes me sad, it's part of
life. People come, people go. All we can do is feel fuller for having
known them, however brief that time may have been.

We not only have to let go of others- we have to let go of our own
expectations, too. Without it being blatantly apparent, expectations
can really hinder personal growth, and the anxiety that comes along
with failed expectations just sucks the fun out of life. As a very
wise friend of mine once told me, "Let go, Let God." It simply means
that we have to trust deeply in whatever we are living for and learn
to be OK with surrendering control. After all, the only thing we can
truly control in the world is how we respond to the things that
involuntarily happen to us.

As I end this final e-mail, I have to share a moment I had on the
plane ride from Paris to Dublin. When I left Paris at 9:40 pm, it was
completely dark outside. But as I got closer to Dublin, the sky
actually got progressively brighter for a few hours because of the
time difference. When I finally arrived in Dublin, though, it was dark
again. As I watched the sun sink below the horizon, I realized that it
very much symbolized who I've been during this trip. I was in constant
pursuit of the sun, searching for adventure, fun, wisdom, and answers.
But no matter how fast you run towards the light, darkness eventually
comes. And when it does, the light must come from within. To shine a
light on a thing certainly brightens it up and allows you to see it
with more clarity. But to watch a thing be lit from within? That is
when we truly see the beauty of it.

As I head back to New York, I cannot help but think about how strange
it is that I will not be returning to Hamilton this fall. I suppose in
a way, I thought this trip would help me move on...to get over the
college lifestyle and the things that I've just loved about my time on
The Hill. I thought this trip would give me all the answers on how to
prepare for the next chapter of my life. But, what I came to
understand along the way is that life doesn't wait for you to be ready
for the next chapter. Life just keeps moving, and the only thing you
can do is let it move you, too.

What I have taken from this trip is a lot of great memories, wonderful
new friends, and a higher level of tolerance and patience- with
others, but more importantly, with myself. Though there is a healthy
fear of everything new that is to come, I am as ready for the next
chapter of my life as I ever will be.

And answers? Yeah, I found a few of those, too.


For those who have read these emails and traveled with me, thank you
for taking the time to care enough and for being present as I went on
this journey. I cannot express how happy it makes me to have you in my
life.



Love Life always and always,

Melissa






Final Trip Stats:

Days: 52

Roommates: 137

Flights: 9

Train rides: I don't even want to think about how many.

Life Lesson: "Look out for number one- no one else will." - Bouncer Boy

Jukebox: "After All" - Jonathan Clay

"...and after all, I don't regret a thing
I want to thank you, for showing me this life."

Random Thoughts:

- My head is constantly racing with thoughts about the most random
things. I wonder what everyone sitting on this bus is thinking? I bet
if we put all our thoughts together, it would make a really cool
coffee table book...


- People are always saying that you should travel without fear. I
think that travel is most valuable when you DO have fear...



Quotable:

"Right now, 99% of the people on this planet are struggling with this
very question: "Why are we here?" Many think they've found the answer
in religion or materialism. Others despair and spend their lives and
money trying to grasp the meaning of it all. A few let the question go
unanswered and live for the moment, regardless of the results or
consequences. But it is the brave who admit that the only possible
answer to this question is simply, "I don't know."

-Brida