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Love Life,
Melissa
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Mexican Sunshine & Sweet Sundays
Hey ya'll,
I know my travelogues tend to be novel-esque, and this one isn’t an exception. But if you don’t have time to read this all now (you can find it at melissajoykong.blogspot.com later), skip to the last few paragraphs and let me know if you’d like to be part of Sweet Sundays - thanks in advance ;-)
I started writing this e-mail when I was in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico last week- one more beautiful country I can now check off my overwhelmingly long list of places I want to travel to. This e-mail, however, will be quite different from all the others I’ve written re: my travel adventures. For the first time ever, I decided to go to a resort, with plans to do nothing but sit in the sun during the day and go out dancing every night – quite a diversion from my typical “strap on a backpack, get on a plane, and figure the rest out when I get there” ways. I did not anticipate writing an e-mail about this experience because really, what relevant story was I going to be able to tell after spending a week by a pool…right? Well, I was wrong. Imagine that. ;-). So, I’m writing about it anyway! …I’m beginning to feel like the Barbara Ehrenreich of travel!
I arrived in Mexico in the late morning, greeted by the shining sun and embraced immediately by the warmth (from both the happy-go-lucky locals and the deliciously perfect weather). My trip started exactly as I imagined it would: getting dropped off at my resort, slipping immediately into my bathing suit, and letting the much needed sun soak into my life! But after a few lazy hours, my attention shifted to the resort-goers and the staff.
On day one, everyone seemed so happy. I looked around, and there were couples- maybe in Cabo for a quick getaway or on their honeymoons. There were a plethora of families, too. I loved watching little kids run about and parents curling them up in their arms by the pool. This one little girl named Autumn (pretty name!) came running up to me and handed me her toy…she was too young to talk, but there was this vibrant smile on her face- you could just sense that she was enjoying life. That little girl had no worries in the world- she was just thrilled to be where she was and who she was. While watching her I thought, "I wish we could all be a bit more like our 5-year-old selves". Five-year-olds don’t hold grudges for very long, are in awe of the little things, smile at strangers, aren't afraid to cry sometimes when things don't go well, and sleep a lot. I bet if we could all be a little more like our 5-year-old selves, that would eliminate much of the animosity, divisiveness, and unhappiness in the world.
At dinner later that evening, there was a beach party and everyone at the resort sat at tables for dinner and danced on the beach. I looked around and decided to ask a table of about 4 or 5 young couples if I could sit with them. After talking for a while, Stephanie, this awesome girl from Alberta, Canada who was sitting next to me (with her equally awesome boyfriend Chris) leaned over and whispered, “So, are the guys in New York as hot as they are on Sex in the City?” hahahaha. Ummm, I’m going to skip how I answered that question because…well, my answer differs depending on the week you ask me! But I will say I was lucky enough to become friends with Stephanie and Chris during my week in Mexico, and we spent time lounging by the pool, winning an enormous bottle of Jose Cuervo at Casino night, and having great talks over Miami Vices and Coronas in the evenings.
There were a lot of other really great moments on this trip. One of my friends from Queens was randomly in Cabo at the same time for a bachelor party, so I was invited to go out in Los Cabos with 14 boys...all I will say is that alone was quite an experience in and of itself! I ate great food, got some MUCH NEEDED sleep, and went for amazing long runs down the beach every morning at sunrise- the sound of crashing waves with the steady pace of the rising sun as the background beat, and that feeling of my sneakers hitting the soft sand- those runs were the times I felt most at peace during my week in Mexico...Isn’t that funny?You can sit around all day and do absolutely nothing, and it isn’t until you start moving and sweating that you really begin to feel alive and happy and peaceful.
One day, Steph, Chris, and I decided to go jet skiing and I had an absolute blast. Whenever I first get out on the water, there’s always a little bit of nervousness in me- it’s kind of like the travel butterflies I was talking about in my Patagonia e-mails. But once that fear subsides, there is this feeling of freedom that follows. The feeling of being on a jet ski alone in the ocean is thrilling, and the taste of the salt-water beads that landed on my face as I powered through the water was amazing.
It reminded me a lot of the time I went sea kayaking alone around an entire island while living in Fiji in 2007 – I got caught in a burst of heavy rain while paddling my way through the ocean, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more terrified in my life. Thinking back on my experiences in the water, there’s something completely frightening about it. Did you know that we have a better understanding of space than we do the ocean that makes up 70% of our own world? I am in awe of how the power of an ocean that can be deceivingly calm and inviting. And yet, as I paddled hard around that island on that April afternoon in Fiji, I found strength in me that I would have never known existed had I not challenged my fear of getting into that cerulean blue Pacific Ocean in the first place. I realized I could paddle a kayak ridiculously fast (a local told me it would take 5 hours to get around the whole island- I got there in about 2.7 after having the crap scared out of me while getting caught in my own little thunderstorm). But more than that, I went to bed in a hammock under the stars that night with a new found realization of the depths of both human strength and fragility. I love being out on the water because it is equal parts empowering and humbling…two feelings that are rarely delivered hand-in-hand. Like so many other things in life, being in the ocean reminded me that the most memorable moments and powerful lessons are learned when doing things that force you to push past initial fear of the unknown, both in the outside word, and in your very self.
One of the down sides of my resort experience was that unlike backpacking/hostel-going, it’s unusual to be alone and I couldn’t help but feel weird about it when I got stared down from time to time. That was a strange feeling for me, given that I cherish my solo time and often love traveling alone – I’ve always felt that doing so naturally keeps you open to meeting new people and really experiencing a place when you are exploring with only your thoughts and senses. You could tell by the expression on some people’s faces that they were confused as to why I was by myself, and that really got me thinking. It intrigues me that Americans pride themselves on being independent and individualistic; yet, I’ve never met a population of people so afraid of being alone. The other component is that while it’s not healthy to be completely dependent either, we’ve got to be honest with ourselves: we live in an interdependent world. We DO need other people to succeed, to grow, to experience the love so many of us desire, and even to understand ourselves. At the same time, being able to contribute in an interdependent world requires personal ideas, opinions, and values – all of which are formed most easily and accurately when we spend time alone to think about who we are and what we believe. It’s important – and I’d argue even necessary- to have that time. So if anyone makes you feel weird for spending time on your own in the future, remind them that they should get familiar because we are all ultimately together in being alone. Then put your headphones back on, be thankful that you aren’t too insecure to be yourself regardless of who you are or are not with, and continue rocking out to life. =)
Needless to say, as much as I was enjoying the relaxation, I needed out. So I hopped on a local bus into town one afternoon and explored all of the side shops, restaurants, and a beautiful marina filled to the brim with boats. It was refreshing to experience local culture, and I’m really glad I did. I even talked a local artist down 60% for a few pieces of jewelry….I don’t care what anyone says- those Chinatown negotiating skills have come in handy time and time again!
The theme that seemed to come up often on this trip for me was evaluating the validity of unfounded first impressions. We all have them. Sometimes, we get lucky and those impressions about people, places, things wind up being fairly accurate. But it’s not the norm; making an opinion conclusive before we have relevant facts or experiences to base it on is actually kind of nuts. It can ultimately detract from how we perceive future experiences…or even which experiences we ultimately do or do not have at all. What I’m referring to here might be a touchy subject, so please pardon. But there has been a great deal of media coverage on being cautious of traveling to Mexico lately. It was a big to-do with my mother when she discovered I was going off to Mexico alone. And while it really may not be safe to travel as a female alone in a foreign country, the same is true ANYWHERE in the world. In fact, I could think of a few “unsafe” places right here at home in New York City.
Whenever I travel, I am in awe of how many people tell me to be concerned about safety, when during most of my travels, I often felt safer than I do when I come home from a night out in Manhattan. I think part of it is that living in a big city your whole life is bound to give you a little sass and an “I’m a tough little cookie, so don’t mess” attitude. But really, as long as you are being reasonable and aren’t doing anything totally absurd and inappropriate, there is no reason to have this fear of traveling to most foreign places. Yes, bad things happen. We all have different thresholds for pain, and we differ in how far we are willing to push ourselves to have new experiences.
But here’s the way I see it: you’ve got to live your life. We are on this earth for too short a time NOT to do things we want to do. A short life spent seeing the world, being open to meeting new people, and learning about new cultures seems far more valuable to me than a long life spent in the seclusion of my own tiny little bubble at home.
We all pick and choose our battles. But when you are deciding which ones to take and leave, I hope you’ll be fearless – choose more on what you feel would be the most valuable use of your time, and less on the fear that you’ll lose that time by taking a risk or two. And really, you can’t avoid risk anyway, so you might as well live it up.
I was reading a great book during my vacation – The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Steven Covey. It’s an interesting read so the next time you are in a bookstore, check it out. One of the questions asked in this book is “Are you living from your center?” While there are just about 1,000,000 ways to interpret that question, to me it is essentially asking, “Do you spend your time in accordance with the things that you value most? Do you even know what your most important values are? Why are your values what they are?” At one point, Covey asks the reader to think about how they would want to be remembered by their friends, co-workers, family, and significant others if they were gone tomorrow. While thinking about this is loaded and emotional, it certainly does a great job of revealing what your true values are (Surprise: they may not be exactly what you think you'd list off as “important” if someone asked you to do so). I think that's because it’s easy, when you don’t see the end in sight, to get lost in the details of day-to-day life. But to be purpose-driven and to ultimately feel successful, we’ve all got to spend some time thinking about the big picture. This question really helped me to do that, and I hope you’ll all take a few moments to think about the question for your own self as well.
Upon reflecting, I had time to think about my center, the place in my life that guides me and nourishes me when the world around me keeps evolving and changing at an ever increasing pace. I realized that one of the things I value most is my ability to clearly express and share my own personal experiences and paradigms to others through writing. I feel great about how I spend most of my time- I have a job that I'm passionate about, I love the time I spend with my friends and family on the weekend, I get my exercise in to help my body work the best it can, and I always find time each week to do what I love, like learning Spanish (slowly!), how to play guitar, and scouring through my stack of new magazines.
But, the world is busy and so are we! So things are bound to fall by the wayside. For me, one of those things has been writing. It’s become less of a priority, but I miss it. I reeeeeally, reeeeeally miss it. So, there’s only one thing left to do- MORE OF IT. I decided to bring this to fruition by starting a new blog (yup, another one), but it will take on a bit more consistency than my travelogue.
Sweet Sundays is a blog that I will write once a week (on Sundays – surprise, surprise!). In all honesty, I may write more than that some weeks, but I’ll only be sending an e-blast out every Sunday.
I chose Sunday because it’s the only day of the week that, at least by Western standards, simultaneously symbolizes both an end and a beginning. And that is exactly what I hope this blog will be – a way to make a little bit more sense of all the crazy, amazing, unexpected, emotionally complex endings and beginnings that we experience in our lives. I know that just the act of writing this blog will inspire me. My biggest hope is that reading it might inspire something in you, too.
If you’d like to receive this e-mail, let me know and you’ll start getting one in your inbox every Sunday, starting this one coming up. Share it, respond to it, think about it, write your own story of personal beginnings and endings. I can’t wait to see my own in writing, and to hear yours in return.
Love Life,
Melissa
I know my travelogues tend to be novel-esque, and this one isn’t an exception. But if you don’t have time to read this all now (you can find it at melissajoykong.blogspot.com later), skip to the last few paragraphs and let me know if you’d like to be part of Sweet Sundays - thanks in advance ;-)
I started writing this e-mail when I was in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico last week- one more beautiful country I can now check off my overwhelmingly long list of places I want to travel to. This e-mail, however, will be quite different from all the others I’ve written re: my travel adventures. For the first time ever, I decided to go to a resort, with plans to do nothing but sit in the sun during the day and go out dancing every night – quite a diversion from my typical “strap on a backpack, get on a plane, and figure the rest out when I get there” ways. I did not anticipate writing an e-mail about this experience because really, what relevant story was I going to be able to tell after spending a week by a pool…right? Well, I was wrong. Imagine that. ;-). So, I’m writing about it anyway! …I’m beginning to feel like the Barbara Ehrenreich of travel!
I arrived in Mexico in the late morning, greeted by the shining sun and embraced immediately by the warmth (from both the happy-go-lucky locals and the deliciously perfect weather). My trip started exactly as I imagined it would: getting dropped off at my resort, slipping immediately into my bathing suit, and letting the much needed sun soak into my life! But after a few lazy hours, my attention shifted to the resort-goers and the staff.
On day one, everyone seemed so happy. I looked around, and there were couples- maybe in Cabo for a quick getaway or on their honeymoons. There were a plethora of families, too. I loved watching little kids run about and parents curling them up in their arms by the pool. This one little girl named Autumn (pretty name!) came running up to me and handed me her toy…she was too young to talk, but there was this vibrant smile on her face- you could just sense that she was enjoying life. That little girl had no worries in the world- she was just thrilled to be where she was and who she was. While watching her I thought, "I wish we could all be a bit more like our 5-year-old selves". Five-year-olds don’t hold grudges for very long, are in awe of the little things, smile at strangers, aren't afraid to cry sometimes when things don't go well, and sleep a lot. I bet if we could all be a little more like our 5-year-old selves, that would eliminate much of the animosity, divisiveness, and unhappiness in the world.
At dinner later that evening, there was a beach party and everyone at the resort sat at tables for dinner and danced on the beach. I looked around and decided to ask a table of about 4 or 5 young couples if I could sit with them. After talking for a while, Stephanie, this awesome girl from Alberta, Canada who was sitting next to me (with her equally awesome boyfriend Chris) leaned over and whispered, “So, are the guys in New York as hot as they are on Sex in the City?” hahahaha. Ummm, I’m going to skip how I answered that question because…well, my answer differs depending on the week you ask me! But I will say I was lucky enough to become friends with Stephanie and Chris during my week in Mexico, and we spent time lounging by the pool, winning an enormous bottle of Jose Cuervo at Casino night, and having great talks over Miami Vices and Coronas in the evenings.
There were a lot of other really great moments on this trip. One of my friends from Queens was randomly in Cabo at the same time for a bachelor party, so I was invited to go out in Los Cabos with 14 boys...all I will say is that alone was quite an experience in and of itself! I ate great food, got some MUCH NEEDED sleep, and went for amazing long runs down the beach every morning at sunrise- the sound of crashing waves with the steady pace of the rising sun as the background beat, and that feeling of my sneakers hitting the soft sand- those runs were the times I felt most at peace during my week in Mexico...Isn’t that funny?You can sit around all day and do absolutely nothing, and it isn’t until you start moving and sweating that you really begin to feel alive and happy and peaceful.
One day, Steph, Chris, and I decided to go jet skiing and I had an absolute blast. Whenever I first get out on the water, there’s always a little bit of nervousness in me- it’s kind of like the travel butterflies I was talking about in my Patagonia e-mails. But once that fear subsides, there is this feeling of freedom that follows. The feeling of being on a jet ski alone in the ocean is thrilling, and the taste of the salt-water beads that landed on my face as I powered through the water was amazing.
It reminded me a lot of the time I went sea kayaking alone around an entire island while living in Fiji in 2007 – I got caught in a burst of heavy rain while paddling my way through the ocean, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more terrified in my life. Thinking back on my experiences in the water, there’s something completely frightening about it. Did you know that we have a better understanding of space than we do the ocean that makes up 70% of our own world? I am in awe of how the power of an ocean that can be deceivingly calm and inviting. And yet, as I paddled hard around that island on that April afternoon in Fiji, I found strength in me that I would have never known existed had I not challenged my fear of getting into that cerulean blue Pacific Ocean in the first place. I realized I could paddle a kayak ridiculously fast (a local told me it would take 5 hours to get around the whole island- I got there in about 2.7 after having the crap scared out of me while getting caught in my own little thunderstorm). But more than that, I went to bed in a hammock under the stars that night with a new found realization of the depths of both human strength and fragility. I love being out on the water because it is equal parts empowering and humbling…two feelings that are rarely delivered hand-in-hand. Like so many other things in life, being in the ocean reminded me that the most memorable moments and powerful lessons are learned when doing things that force you to push past initial fear of the unknown, both in the outside word, and in your very self.
One of the down sides of my resort experience was that unlike backpacking/hostel-going, it’s unusual to be alone and I couldn’t help but feel weird about it when I got stared down from time to time. That was a strange feeling for me, given that I cherish my solo time and often love traveling alone – I’ve always felt that doing so naturally keeps you open to meeting new people and really experiencing a place when you are exploring with only your thoughts and senses. You could tell by the expression on some people’s faces that they were confused as to why I was by myself, and that really got me thinking. It intrigues me that Americans pride themselves on being independent and individualistic; yet, I’ve never met a population of people so afraid of being alone. The other component is that while it’s not healthy to be completely dependent either, we’ve got to be honest with ourselves: we live in an interdependent world. We DO need other people to succeed, to grow, to experience the love so many of us desire, and even to understand ourselves. At the same time, being able to contribute in an interdependent world requires personal ideas, opinions, and values – all of which are formed most easily and accurately when we spend time alone to think about who we are and what we believe. It’s important – and I’d argue even necessary- to have that time. So if anyone makes you feel weird for spending time on your own in the future, remind them that they should get familiar because we are all ultimately together in being alone. Then put your headphones back on, be thankful that you aren’t too insecure to be yourself regardless of who you are or are not with, and continue rocking out to life. =)
Needless to say, as much as I was enjoying the relaxation, I needed out. So I hopped on a local bus into town one afternoon and explored all of the side shops, restaurants, and a beautiful marina filled to the brim with boats. It was refreshing to experience local culture, and I’m really glad I did. I even talked a local artist down 60% for a few pieces of jewelry….I don’t care what anyone says- those Chinatown negotiating skills have come in handy time and time again!
The theme that seemed to come up often on this trip for me was evaluating the validity of unfounded first impressions. We all have them. Sometimes, we get lucky and those impressions about people, places, things wind up being fairly accurate. But it’s not the norm; making an opinion conclusive before we have relevant facts or experiences to base it on is actually kind of nuts. It can ultimately detract from how we perceive future experiences…or even which experiences we ultimately do or do not have at all. What I’m referring to here might be a touchy subject, so please pardon. But there has been a great deal of media coverage on being cautious of traveling to Mexico lately. It was a big to-do with my mother when she discovered I was going off to Mexico alone. And while it really may not be safe to travel as a female alone in a foreign country, the same is true ANYWHERE in the world. In fact, I could think of a few “unsafe” places right here at home in New York City.
Whenever I travel, I am in awe of how many people tell me to be concerned about safety, when during most of my travels, I often felt safer than I do when I come home from a night out in Manhattan. I think part of it is that living in a big city your whole life is bound to give you a little sass and an “I’m a tough little cookie, so don’t mess” attitude. But really, as long as you are being reasonable and aren’t doing anything totally absurd and inappropriate, there is no reason to have this fear of traveling to most foreign places. Yes, bad things happen. We all have different thresholds for pain, and we differ in how far we are willing to push ourselves to have new experiences.
But here’s the way I see it: you’ve got to live your life. We are on this earth for too short a time NOT to do things we want to do. A short life spent seeing the world, being open to meeting new people, and learning about new cultures seems far more valuable to me than a long life spent in the seclusion of my own tiny little bubble at home.
We all pick and choose our battles. But when you are deciding which ones to take and leave, I hope you’ll be fearless – choose more on what you feel would be the most valuable use of your time, and less on the fear that you’ll lose that time by taking a risk or two. And really, you can’t avoid risk anyway, so you might as well live it up.
I was reading a great book during my vacation – The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Steven Covey. It’s an interesting read so the next time you are in a bookstore, check it out. One of the questions asked in this book is “Are you living from your center?” While there are just about 1,000,000 ways to interpret that question, to me it is essentially asking, “Do you spend your time in accordance with the things that you value most? Do you even know what your most important values are? Why are your values what they are?” At one point, Covey asks the reader to think about how they would want to be remembered by their friends, co-workers, family, and significant others if they were gone tomorrow. While thinking about this is loaded and emotional, it certainly does a great job of revealing what your true values are (Surprise: they may not be exactly what you think you'd list off as “important” if someone asked you to do so). I think that's because it’s easy, when you don’t see the end in sight, to get lost in the details of day-to-day life. But to be purpose-driven and to ultimately feel successful, we’ve all got to spend some time thinking about the big picture. This question really helped me to do that, and I hope you’ll all take a few moments to think about the question for your own self as well.
Upon reflecting, I had time to think about my center, the place in my life that guides me and nourishes me when the world around me keeps evolving and changing at an ever increasing pace. I realized that one of the things I value most is my ability to clearly express and share my own personal experiences and paradigms to others through writing. I feel great about how I spend most of my time- I have a job that I'm passionate about, I love the time I spend with my friends and family on the weekend, I get my exercise in to help my body work the best it can, and I always find time each week to do what I love, like learning Spanish (slowly!), how to play guitar, and scouring through my stack of new magazines.
But, the world is busy and so are we! So things are bound to fall by the wayside. For me, one of those things has been writing. It’s become less of a priority, but I miss it. I reeeeeally, reeeeeally miss it. So, there’s only one thing left to do- MORE OF IT. I decided to bring this to fruition by starting a new blog (yup, another one), but it will take on a bit more consistency than my travelogue.
Sweet Sundays is a blog that I will write once a week (on Sundays – surprise, surprise!). In all honesty, I may write more than that some weeks, but I’ll only be sending an e-blast out every Sunday.
I chose Sunday because it’s the only day of the week that, at least by Western standards, simultaneously symbolizes both an end and a beginning. And that is exactly what I hope this blog will be – a way to make a little bit more sense of all the crazy, amazing, unexpected, emotionally complex endings and beginnings that we experience in our lives. I know that just the act of writing this blog will inspire me. My biggest hope is that reading it might inspire something in you, too.
If you’d like to receive this e-mail, let me know and you’ll start getting one in your inbox every Sunday, starting this one coming up. Share it, respond to it, think about it, write your own story of personal beginnings and endings. I can’t wait to see my own in writing, and to hear yours in return.
Love Life,
Melissa
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