It's Christmas Eve already. Time seems to pass with more ease the older I get (I'm saying this like I'm 85). Just one Christmas ago, I was preparing to spend four months doing research abroad in Fiji. And last Christmas was good, albeit exhausting. This Christmas seems to be a lot calmer, which personally, I'm loving. I think holidays are a time to relax and rejoice, not go freakin' insane. I will also never understand the buy-presents-on-Christmas-Eve dynamic. You know what winds up happening? You wind up spending money on useless bath gels or lotion for women and equally useless cuff links or ugly sweaters for men. Really, why waste your money on things that people will probably not even use? I think it's a much nicer gesture just to give someone a thoughtful card. Personally, I can't think of anything better than a handmade gift; I savor these gifts because they really do come from the heart, and I try to give them out as often as possible. I don't quite understand the last minute gift thing...but then again, I don't quite understand how Christmas became a medium for consumerism, either.
So what, then,is Christmas? It's a religious holiday more than anything else. On that note, I'd say this has been the single biggest change for me in the past 4 years: religion. I was an every-Sunday, alter server, church choir girl for most of my living years. But somewhere around the time when I went to college, I lost the connection...It felt like I forgot how to communicate with God. I know that religion and the G-word are scary topics for people, but it's crucial to talk about the things we don't understand...and even more, the things that require us to have faith.
I've questioned my own personal faith a lot in the past 3 or so years, and I think it's necessary to do that. Someone once said to me, "If you are looking for God, you've already found It." I think there is some truth to this, but only to an extent. It's like you need to believe in something in order to see it, but just because you see it doesn't mean you understand it. I am still trying to work out the kinks of my faith, but what I know for sure is that I firmly believe in something greater than me- something guiding me through life, encouraging me to make the right choices, be as good a person as I can be, and discouraging me from doing stupid things (which I may inevitably do anyway, but I generally learn from my mistakes).
Religion is a complicated issue, and the older I get the more I realize that the two big arguments against religion are the following:
1. There are so many religions in the world, so how do you know which one is "right"?
My personal response to this is that most popular religions- Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, and Judaism, for instance- all share similarities. I believe that people have different ways of understanding the same thing, and all religions are worth learning because they are each beautiful in their own way. It's like listening to music. You may not like every genre, but someone in the world absolutely loves it and all of the different kinds of music in the world have a way of making people feel connected, understood, peaceful, emotional. We do not have to believe in the specifics of every religion, but I think it's important to understand them. If you only know one religion, than you know no religion. At the end of the day we are all just people, looking for some meaning to our personal existence, trying to put all of the pieces together. For this reason alone- the desire to understand life- I find all major religions so incredibly beautiful and worthy of study and recognition.
The second reason people give for not believing in anything at all is this:
2. "Religion is all speculation. I believe only in the things that have been proven to be fact."
A lot of people say that it's hard for them to believe in God because It cannot be seen. But personally, I see faith and religion and God everywhere I look. It amazes me that I come so close to death about 100 times a day...crossing the street, getting in a car, turning on the stove, wearing high heels out to the bars when it's snowing (dumb and dangerous on so many levels, but if you know me, you know my love for heels). And yet, something in me- in most of us- wills us to keep on living for what is actually an insanely long time. Even though people tend to focus on the few things that go wrong, about 90% of life goes pretty right. In fact, it goes so right so often that we begin to take all the things that work out for us for granted (for example, just think of all those near death instances). The evidence of the existence of something higher, watching and guiding us all through the best and worst of this life is all around us. Truly, all we have to do is open our beautiful eyes a little wider to see all of the expressions of faith and love around us.
This little blog entry obviously doesn't even begin to describe/explain religion, but I think it's a topic worth spending a significant time thinking about. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and see God in the beauty and joy of the day, my family, that delicious Christmas meal, and O.K. fine, the presents too (I'm crossing my fingers for more heels).
To everyone reading this, I hope this season finds you with love, joy, and faith in the things that you cannot see...but are always there.
Love Life,
Melissa
Monday, December 24, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
Home, Sweet Home
Finally, after finishing up fall semester, I am back home in the city. Whenever I come home after being gone for a long time, I always notice minute details of city life that I never paid much attention to before.
One of the first things I notice is that I am just about the only individual without an enormous camera around my neck who isn't frantically running down the elevator or pushing through a crowd like I'm trying to be the winner of "Survivor: Penn Station".
As these people fly by me, I think A.) if they hit something/someone at that speed, they are going to be seriously injured, and B.) what in the world is so important that they are in such a rush? While I understand that some people have legitimate excuses, most people just run around like chickens without heads for no sound reason. Four years ago, I was one of these speed demons. In fact, I revert into a speed demon all over again if I'm home long enough. But the longer I am away, the more I realize how pointlessly stressful this is. Sometimes- especially now during the holidays- we all just need to remind ourselves to breathe and slow down. Although, I'm not going to lie. I laugh profusely on the inside when people rudely push through 10 others while running down to catch the train only to wait anxiously on the platform for 20 minutes due to train delays...Karma.
Another thing that just boggles my mind is Starbucks. I went in there the other day and ordered my usual- a green tea. I get two reactions when I request this.
Reaction #1: The cashier will look at me like he/she is confused and say, "A green tea latte?" No. "A green shaken iced tea?" No. All I want is a cup of hot water and a green tea bag. "Would you like honey with that? Room for milk? One tea bag or two?" ....When did ordering tea become so difficult, anyway? The cashiers look stunned, like I just verbally assaulted them with a simple order.
Reaction #2: The cashier looks at me with pure relief after I ask for my tea. Almost as if to say, "Thank you, Starbucks heaven, for giving me an order that I can make in less than 5 minutes and doesn't involve froth." Note to all: They'll never mess up your drink order if you keep it real simple.
But seriously, to all of the Type A Starbucks cashiers in the world: I apologize in advance for not being a Double-Chocolate-Chip-Frappuccino-Light-Blended-Cream kinda gal.
Anyway, I digress. Even amidst all of these incredibly random and useless thoughts about hectic city life & the holiday season equating to total craziness, there is something so magical about the holidays in New York City. For one thing, there's nothing better than coming home to your Asian mother prancing around the living room singing "Jingle Bells." It is also the one time during the year when everyone in my ginormous family is together under the same roof. Even the department store windows are beautiful, silently reminding people to step away from the madness and embrace the best of the season and of one another. I sometimes hop on the train and wander aimlessly in this city that I have called home for 21 years- people ice skating with friends and family; excited, starry-eyed tourists in Times Square; husbands picking out engagement rings for Christmas Eve proposals, the smell of cinnamon and pine at every corner. And instantly, I am reminded of why the holidays matter to begin with:
As Grover once said on Sesame Street, "The holidays are a time to be with friends and family. And most of all, to eat peanut butter balls" - Couldn't have put it better myself.
Love Life &
Happy Holidays!,
Melissa
One of the first things I notice is that I am just about the only individual without an enormous camera around my neck who isn't frantically running down the elevator or pushing through a crowd like I'm trying to be the winner of "Survivor: Penn Station".
As these people fly by me, I think A.) if they hit something/someone at that speed, they are going to be seriously injured, and B.) what in the world is so important that they are in such a rush? While I understand that some people have legitimate excuses, most people just run around like chickens without heads for no sound reason. Four years ago, I was one of these speed demons. In fact, I revert into a speed demon all over again if I'm home long enough. But the longer I am away, the more I realize how pointlessly stressful this is. Sometimes- especially now during the holidays- we all just need to remind ourselves to breathe and slow down. Although, I'm not going to lie. I laugh profusely on the inside when people rudely push through 10 others while running down to catch the train only to wait anxiously on the platform for 20 minutes due to train delays...Karma.
Another thing that just boggles my mind is Starbucks. I went in there the other day and ordered my usual- a green tea. I get two reactions when I request this.
Reaction #1: The cashier will look at me like he/she is confused and say, "A green tea latte?" No. "A green shaken iced tea?" No. All I want is a cup of hot water and a green tea bag. "Would you like honey with that? Room for milk? One tea bag or two?" ....When did ordering tea become so difficult, anyway? The cashiers look stunned, like I just verbally assaulted them with a simple order.
Reaction #2: The cashier looks at me with pure relief after I ask for my tea. Almost as if to say, "Thank you, Starbucks heaven, for giving me an order that I can make in less than 5 minutes and doesn't involve froth." Note to all: They'll never mess up your drink order if you keep it real simple.
But seriously, to all of the Type A Starbucks cashiers in the world: I apologize in advance for not being a Double-Chocolate-Chip-Frappuccino-Light-Blended-Cream kinda gal.
Anyway, I digress. Even amidst all of these incredibly random and useless thoughts about hectic city life & the holiday season equating to total craziness, there is something so magical about the holidays in New York City. For one thing, there's nothing better than coming home to your Asian mother prancing around the living room singing "Jingle Bells." It is also the one time during the year when everyone in my ginormous family is together under the same roof. Even the department store windows are beautiful, silently reminding people to step away from the madness and embrace the best of the season and of one another. I sometimes hop on the train and wander aimlessly in this city that I have called home for 21 years- people ice skating with friends and family; excited, starry-eyed tourists in Times Square; husbands picking out engagement rings for Christmas Eve proposals, the smell of cinnamon and pine at every corner. And instantly, I am reminded of why the holidays matter to begin with:
As Grover once said on Sesame Street, "The holidays are a time to be with friends and family. And most of all, to eat peanut butter balls" - Couldn't have put it better myself.
Love Life &
Happy Holidays!,
Melissa
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
They Call It The Present Because It's a Gift
It is 6:53 in the morning, and I have just finished a 28-page psychology laboratory paper on the relationship between personality and classroom engagement. Sounds obvious, but apparently it's a 28-pages kind of complicated. This paper signifies the end of not only the last psychology course I will ever have to take, but also the finale of my second to last semester at Hamilton.
As I think back on the past 14 painful hours that I have spent sitting in this chair to write an incredibly long and uninteresting lab report, I realize how subjective "pain" is. I bet that I will look back in 20 years and reminisce about those late nights that I stayed up in college writing absolutely useless papers and bonding with my friends over coffee and Opus cookies at 4 a.m. We have this tendency to look fondly on the past (even if while the past was the present, it wasn't so fun), and also to romanticize the future. Yet, it is a challenge for most people to just enjoy the present moment for what it is- to put the "pain" into context.
For instance, I tested for my red belt in Taekwondo a few days ago, and it was one of the most physically painful things I have ever done to myself. Just imagine and hour of straight sprinting, with kicks, punches, and push-ups thrown in for giggles. During the test, I remember thinking, "My heart is literally going to stop if I keep going." But, I kept going because it seemed like the only thing to do. I have never been one to give up when things got tough (including breathing), and I didn't intend on starting now. After what felt like an eternity of dizziness, dehydration, muscle spasms, and stomach pain, the test was over. Now that I look back on it, the test doesn't seem as painful as it did in the moment- now, it feels like the test was a good "challenge." Either way, I look damn good in red.
Sometimes, the only way to push through something hard is to focus on the moment and nothing but that. The same is true for even the best times in life- if you aren't savoring the moment, then what are you living for..A past that has already happened? A future that you aren't guaranteed?
We spend so much of our lives ruminating about what has happened and trying to plan for what hasn't, that we miss the whole point of life in the process: the present. This isn't to say we should completely stop thinking about the past and present- just that we should stop living in them.
Now, remembering the past and having hopes for the future certainly puts the present in context, and without question, gives life meaning. As I focus on the significant turning point I am at in the present, I cannot help but think about where I want to be in the coming year, and how I got to this moment in the first place. My past, filled with good and bad memories, both stings and comforts me. My future is wide open; I have strong- maybe lofty- goals, and like everyone else, sometimes I'm afraid of how far I can go. But when I put aside my regrets about the things I could have done better or things I shouldn't have done at all... when I put aside my fear about what lies ahead for me these next few years- starting a new career, transitioning from college to the "real world," meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones...
I am left with the knowledge of who I am right now:
daughter.
best friend.
stranger.
satisfied with the semester.
has a serious travel bug.
writer.
intern.
dreamer.
wears a red belt around her waist...
and more importantly, around her heart.
open-minded.
Roman-Catholic.
with a side of Buddhism.
...or maybe the other way around now?
waiting on the world to change.
excited to be part of that change.
magazine lover.
sad that Rick Reilly is leaving SI.
happy that she gets to see her mom in 3 days.
anxious.
excited.
blessed.
To all of you who are at a big turning point in your lives as well, remember:
Who you are right now is more precious than who you were or could ever imagine being.
Love Life,
Melissa
As I think back on the past 14 painful hours that I have spent sitting in this chair to write an incredibly long and uninteresting lab report, I realize how subjective "pain" is. I bet that I will look back in 20 years and reminisce about those late nights that I stayed up in college writing absolutely useless papers and bonding with my friends over coffee and Opus cookies at 4 a.m. We have this tendency to look fondly on the past (even if while the past was the present, it wasn't so fun), and also to romanticize the future. Yet, it is a challenge for most people to just enjoy the present moment for what it is- to put the "pain" into context.
For instance, I tested for my red belt in Taekwondo a few days ago, and it was one of the most physically painful things I have ever done to myself. Just imagine and hour of straight sprinting, with kicks, punches, and push-ups thrown in for giggles. During the test, I remember thinking, "My heart is literally going to stop if I keep going." But, I kept going because it seemed like the only thing to do. I have never been one to give up when things got tough (including breathing), and I didn't intend on starting now. After what felt like an eternity of dizziness, dehydration, muscle spasms, and stomach pain, the test was over. Now that I look back on it, the test doesn't seem as painful as it did in the moment- now, it feels like the test was a good "challenge." Either way, I look damn good in red.
Sometimes, the only way to push through something hard is to focus on the moment and nothing but that. The same is true for even the best times in life- if you aren't savoring the moment, then what are you living for..A past that has already happened? A future that you aren't guaranteed?
We spend so much of our lives ruminating about what has happened and trying to plan for what hasn't, that we miss the whole point of life in the process: the present. This isn't to say we should completely stop thinking about the past and present- just that we should stop living in them.
Now, remembering the past and having hopes for the future certainly puts the present in context, and without question, gives life meaning. As I focus on the significant turning point I am at in the present, I cannot help but think about where I want to be in the coming year, and how I got to this moment in the first place. My past, filled with good and bad memories, both stings and comforts me. My future is wide open; I have strong- maybe lofty- goals, and like everyone else, sometimes I'm afraid of how far I can go. But when I put aside my regrets about the things I could have done better or things I shouldn't have done at all... when I put aside my fear about what lies ahead for me these next few years- starting a new career, transitioning from college to the "real world," meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones...
I am left with the knowledge of who I am right now:
daughter.
best friend.
stranger.
satisfied with the semester.
has a serious travel bug.
writer.
intern.
dreamer.
wears a red belt around her waist...
and more importantly, around her heart.
open-minded.
Roman-Catholic.
with a side of Buddhism.
...or maybe the other way around now?
waiting on the world to change.
excited to be part of that change.
magazine lover.
sad that Rick Reilly is leaving SI.
happy that she gets to see her mom in 3 days.
anxious.
excited.
blessed.
To all of you who are at a big turning point in your lives as well, remember:
Who you are right now is more precious than who you were or could ever imagine being.
Love Life,
Melissa
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