It's Christmas Eve already. Time seems to pass with more ease the older I get (I'm saying this like I'm 85). Just one Christmas ago, I was preparing to spend four months doing research abroad in Fiji. And last Christmas was good, albeit exhausting. This Christmas seems to be a lot calmer, which personally, I'm loving. I think holidays are a time to relax and rejoice, not go freakin' insane. I will also never understand the buy-presents-on-Christmas-Eve dynamic. You know what winds up happening? You wind up spending money on useless bath gels or lotion for women and equally useless cuff links or ugly sweaters for men. Really, why waste your money on things that people will probably not even use? I think it's a much nicer gesture just to give someone a thoughtful card. Personally, I can't think of anything better than a handmade gift; I savor these gifts because they really do come from the heart, and I try to give them out as often as possible. I don't quite understand the last minute gift thing...but then again, I don't quite understand how Christmas became a medium for consumerism, either.
So what, then,is Christmas? It's a religious holiday more than anything else. On that note, I'd say this has been the single biggest change for me in the past 4 years: religion. I was an every-Sunday, alter server, church choir girl for most of my living years. But somewhere around the time when I went to college, I lost the connection...It felt like I forgot how to communicate with God. I know that religion and the G-word are scary topics for people, but it's crucial to talk about the things we don't understand...and even more, the things that require us to have faith.
I've questioned my own personal faith a lot in the past 3 or so years, and I think it's necessary to do that. Someone once said to me, "If you are looking for God, you've already found It." I think there is some truth to this, but only to an extent. It's like you need to believe in something in order to see it, but just because you see it doesn't mean you understand it. I am still trying to work out the kinks of my faith, but what I know for sure is that I firmly believe in something greater than me- something guiding me through life, encouraging me to make the right choices, be as good a person as I can be, and discouraging me from doing stupid things (which I may inevitably do anyway, but I generally learn from my mistakes).
Religion is a complicated issue, and the older I get the more I realize that the two big arguments against religion are the following:
1. There are so many religions in the world, so how do you know which one is "right"?
My personal response to this is that most popular religions- Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, and Judaism, for instance- all share similarities. I believe that people have different ways of understanding the same thing, and all religions are worth learning because they are each beautiful in their own way. It's like listening to music. You may not like every genre, but someone in the world absolutely loves it and all of the different kinds of music in the world have a way of making people feel connected, understood, peaceful, emotional. We do not have to believe in the specifics of every religion, but I think it's important to understand them. If you only know one religion, than you know no religion. At the end of the day we are all just people, looking for some meaning to our personal existence, trying to put all of the pieces together. For this reason alone- the desire to understand life- I find all major religions so incredibly beautiful and worthy of study and recognition.
The second reason people give for not believing in anything at all is this:
2. "Religion is all speculation. I believe only in the things that have been proven to be fact."
A lot of people say that it's hard for them to believe in God because It cannot be seen. But personally, I see faith and religion and God everywhere I look. It amazes me that I come so close to death about 100 times a day...crossing the street, getting in a car, turning on the stove, wearing high heels out to the bars when it's snowing (dumb and dangerous on so many levels, but if you know me, you know my love for heels). And yet, something in me- in most of us- wills us to keep on living for what is actually an insanely long time. Even though people tend to focus on the few things that go wrong, about 90% of life goes pretty right. In fact, it goes so right so often that we begin to take all the things that work out for us for granted (for example, just think of all those near death instances). The evidence of the existence of something higher, watching and guiding us all through the best and worst of this life is all around us. Truly, all we have to do is open our beautiful eyes a little wider to see all of the expressions of faith and love around us.
This little blog entry obviously doesn't even begin to describe/explain religion, but I think it's a topic worth spending a significant time thinking about. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and see God in the beauty and joy of the day, my family, that delicious Christmas meal, and O.K. fine, the presents too (I'm crossing my fingers for more heels).
To everyone reading this, I hope this season finds you with love, joy, and faith in the things that you cannot see...but are always there.
Love Life,
Melissa
Monday, December 24, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
Home, Sweet Home
Finally, after finishing up fall semester, I am back home in the city. Whenever I come home after being gone for a long time, I always notice minute details of city life that I never paid much attention to before.
One of the first things I notice is that I am just about the only individual without an enormous camera around my neck who isn't frantically running down the elevator or pushing through a crowd like I'm trying to be the winner of "Survivor: Penn Station".
As these people fly by me, I think A.) if they hit something/someone at that speed, they are going to be seriously injured, and B.) what in the world is so important that they are in such a rush? While I understand that some people have legitimate excuses, most people just run around like chickens without heads for no sound reason. Four years ago, I was one of these speed demons. In fact, I revert into a speed demon all over again if I'm home long enough. But the longer I am away, the more I realize how pointlessly stressful this is. Sometimes- especially now during the holidays- we all just need to remind ourselves to breathe and slow down. Although, I'm not going to lie. I laugh profusely on the inside when people rudely push through 10 others while running down to catch the train only to wait anxiously on the platform for 20 minutes due to train delays...Karma.
Another thing that just boggles my mind is Starbucks. I went in there the other day and ordered my usual- a green tea. I get two reactions when I request this.
Reaction #1: The cashier will look at me like he/she is confused and say, "A green tea latte?" No. "A green shaken iced tea?" No. All I want is a cup of hot water and a green tea bag. "Would you like honey with that? Room for milk? One tea bag or two?" ....When did ordering tea become so difficult, anyway? The cashiers look stunned, like I just verbally assaulted them with a simple order.
Reaction #2: The cashier looks at me with pure relief after I ask for my tea. Almost as if to say, "Thank you, Starbucks heaven, for giving me an order that I can make in less than 5 minutes and doesn't involve froth." Note to all: They'll never mess up your drink order if you keep it real simple.
But seriously, to all of the Type A Starbucks cashiers in the world: I apologize in advance for not being a Double-Chocolate-Chip-Frappuccino-Light-Blended-Cream kinda gal.
Anyway, I digress. Even amidst all of these incredibly random and useless thoughts about hectic city life & the holiday season equating to total craziness, there is something so magical about the holidays in New York City. For one thing, there's nothing better than coming home to your Asian mother prancing around the living room singing "Jingle Bells." It is also the one time during the year when everyone in my ginormous family is together under the same roof. Even the department store windows are beautiful, silently reminding people to step away from the madness and embrace the best of the season and of one another. I sometimes hop on the train and wander aimlessly in this city that I have called home for 21 years- people ice skating with friends and family; excited, starry-eyed tourists in Times Square; husbands picking out engagement rings for Christmas Eve proposals, the smell of cinnamon and pine at every corner. And instantly, I am reminded of why the holidays matter to begin with:
As Grover once said on Sesame Street, "The holidays are a time to be with friends and family. And most of all, to eat peanut butter balls" - Couldn't have put it better myself.
Love Life &
Happy Holidays!,
Melissa
One of the first things I notice is that I am just about the only individual without an enormous camera around my neck who isn't frantically running down the elevator or pushing through a crowd like I'm trying to be the winner of "Survivor: Penn Station".
As these people fly by me, I think A.) if they hit something/someone at that speed, they are going to be seriously injured, and B.) what in the world is so important that they are in such a rush? While I understand that some people have legitimate excuses, most people just run around like chickens without heads for no sound reason. Four years ago, I was one of these speed demons. In fact, I revert into a speed demon all over again if I'm home long enough. But the longer I am away, the more I realize how pointlessly stressful this is. Sometimes- especially now during the holidays- we all just need to remind ourselves to breathe and slow down. Although, I'm not going to lie. I laugh profusely on the inside when people rudely push through 10 others while running down to catch the train only to wait anxiously on the platform for 20 minutes due to train delays...Karma.
Another thing that just boggles my mind is Starbucks. I went in there the other day and ordered my usual- a green tea. I get two reactions when I request this.
Reaction #1: The cashier will look at me like he/she is confused and say, "A green tea latte?" No. "A green shaken iced tea?" No. All I want is a cup of hot water and a green tea bag. "Would you like honey with that? Room for milk? One tea bag or two?" ....When did ordering tea become so difficult, anyway? The cashiers look stunned, like I just verbally assaulted them with a simple order.
Reaction #2: The cashier looks at me with pure relief after I ask for my tea. Almost as if to say, "Thank you, Starbucks heaven, for giving me an order that I can make in less than 5 minutes and doesn't involve froth." Note to all: They'll never mess up your drink order if you keep it real simple.
But seriously, to all of the Type A Starbucks cashiers in the world: I apologize in advance for not being a Double-Chocolate-Chip-Frappuccino-Light-Blended-Cream kinda gal.
Anyway, I digress. Even amidst all of these incredibly random and useless thoughts about hectic city life & the holiday season equating to total craziness, there is something so magical about the holidays in New York City. For one thing, there's nothing better than coming home to your Asian mother prancing around the living room singing "Jingle Bells." It is also the one time during the year when everyone in my ginormous family is together under the same roof. Even the department store windows are beautiful, silently reminding people to step away from the madness and embrace the best of the season and of one another. I sometimes hop on the train and wander aimlessly in this city that I have called home for 21 years- people ice skating with friends and family; excited, starry-eyed tourists in Times Square; husbands picking out engagement rings for Christmas Eve proposals, the smell of cinnamon and pine at every corner. And instantly, I am reminded of why the holidays matter to begin with:
As Grover once said on Sesame Street, "The holidays are a time to be with friends and family. And most of all, to eat peanut butter balls" - Couldn't have put it better myself.
Love Life &
Happy Holidays!,
Melissa
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
They Call It The Present Because It's a Gift
It is 6:53 in the morning, and I have just finished a 28-page psychology laboratory paper on the relationship between personality and classroom engagement. Sounds obvious, but apparently it's a 28-pages kind of complicated. This paper signifies the end of not only the last psychology course I will ever have to take, but also the finale of my second to last semester at Hamilton.
As I think back on the past 14 painful hours that I have spent sitting in this chair to write an incredibly long and uninteresting lab report, I realize how subjective "pain" is. I bet that I will look back in 20 years and reminisce about those late nights that I stayed up in college writing absolutely useless papers and bonding with my friends over coffee and Opus cookies at 4 a.m. We have this tendency to look fondly on the past (even if while the past was the present, it wasn't so fun), and also to romanticize the future. Yet, it is a challenge for most people to just enjoy the present moment for what it is- to put the "pain" into context.
For instance, I tested for my red belt in Taekwondo a few days ago, and it was one of the most physically painful things I have ever done to myself. Just imagine and hour of straight sprinting, with kicks, punches, and push-ups thrown in for giggles. During the test, I remember thinking, "My heart is literally going to stop if I keep going." But, I kept going because it seemed like the only thing to do. I have never been one to give up when things got tough (including breathing), and I didn't intend on starting now. After what felt like an eternity of dizziness, dehydration, muscle spasms, and stomach pain, the test was over. Now that I look back on it, the test doesn't seem as painful as it did in the moment- now, it feels like the test was a good "challenge." Either way, I look damn good in red.
Sometimes, the only way to push through something hard is to focus on the moment and nothing but that. The same is true for even the best times in life- if you aren't savoring the moment, then what are you living for..A past that has already happened? A future that you aren't guaranteed?
We spend so much of our lives ruminating about what has happened and trying to plan for what hasn't, that we miss the whole point of life in the process: the present. This isn't to say we should completely stop thinking about the past and present- just that we should stop living in them.
Now, remembering the past and having hopes for the future certainly puts the present in context, and without question, gives life meaning. As I focus on the significant turning point I am at in the present, I cannot help but think about where I want to be in the coming year, and how I got to this moment in the first place. My past, filled with good and bad memories, both stings and comforts me. My future is wide open; I have strong- maybe lofty- goals, and like everyone else, sometimes I'm afraid of how far I can go. But when I put aside my regrets about the things I could have done better or things I shouldn't have done at all... when I put aside my fear about what lies ahead for me these next few years- starting a new career, transitioning from college to the "real world," meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones...
I am left with the knowledge of who I am right now:
daughter.
best friend.
stranger.
satisfied with the semester.
has a serious travel bug.
writer.
intern.
dreamer.
wears a red belt around her waist...
and more importantly, around her heart.
open-minded.
Roman-Catholic.
with a side of Buddhism.
...or maybe the other way around now?
waiting on the world to change.
excited to be part of that change.
magazine lover.
sad that Rick Reilly is leaving SI.
happy that she gets to see her mom in 3 days.
anxious.
excited.
blessed.
To all of you who are at a big turning point in your lives as well, remember:
Who you are right now is more precious than who you were or could ever imagine being.
Love Life,
Melissa
As I think back on the past 14 painful hours that I have spent sitting in this chair to write an incredibly long and uninteresting lab report, I realize how subjective "pain" is. I bet that I will look back in 20 years and reminisce about those late nights that I stayed up in college writing absolutely useless papers and bonding with my friends over coffee and Opus cookies at 4 a.m. We have this tendency to look fondly on the past (even if while the past was the present, it wasn't so fun), and also to romanticize the future. Yet, it is a challenge for most people to just enjoy the present moment for what it is- to put the "pain" into context.
For instance, I tested for my red belt in Taekwondo a few days ago, and it was one of the most physically painful things I have ever done to myself. Just imagine and hour of straight sprinting, with kicks, punches, and push-ups thrown in for giggles. During the test, I remember thinking, "My heart is literally going to stop if I keep going." But, I kept going because it seemed like the only thing to do. I have never been one to give up when things got tough (including breathing), and I didn't intend on starting now. After what felt like an eternity of dizziness, dehydration, muscle spasms, and stomach pain, the test was over. Now that I look back on it, the test doesn't seem as painful as it did in the moment- now, it feels like the test was a good "challenge." Either way, I look damn good in red.
Sometimes, the only way to push through something hard is to focus on the moment and nothing but that. The same is true for even the best times in life- if you aren't savoring the moment, then what are you living for..A past that has already happened? A future that you aren't guaranteed?
We spend so much of our lives ruminating about what has happened and trying to plan for what hasn't, that we miss the whole point of life in the process: the present. This isn't to say we should completely stop thinking about the past and present- just that we should stop living in them.
Now, remembering the past and having hopes for the future certainly puts the present in context, and without question, gives life meaning. As I focus on the significant turning point I am at in the present, I cannot help but think about where I want to be in the coming year, and how I got to this moment in the first place. My past, filled with good and bad memories, both stings and comforts me. My future is wide open; I have strong- maybe lofty- goals, and like everyone else, sometimes I'm afraid of how far I can go. But when I put aside my regrets about the things I could have done better or things I shouldn't have done at all... when I put aside my fear about what lies ahead for me these next few years- starting a new career, transitioning from college to the "real world," meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones...
I am left with the knowledge of who I am right now:
daughter.
best friend.
stranger.
satisfied with the semester.
has a serious travel bug.
writer.
intern.
dreamer.
wears a red belt around her waist...
and more importantly, around her heart.
open-minded.
Roman-Catholic.
with a side of Buddhism.
...or maybe the other way around now?
waiting on the world to change.
excited to be part of that change.
magazine lover.
sad that Rick Reilly is leaving SI.
happy that she gets to see her mom in 3 days.
anxious.
excited.
blessed.
To all of you who are at a big turning point in your lives as well, remember:
Who you are right now is more precious than who you were or could ever imagine being.
Love Life,
Melissa
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving
This year, I decided to stay at college for the Thanksgiving holiday. Though I really miss my family and wish I could have magically transported myself to be with them for dinner, I am so happy I decided to stay at school- having some alone time around the holidays was much needed this year.
One of the highlights of my Thanksgiving was having dinner with Trish- my Taekwondo coach- and her family. She has been such a dear friend to me ever since I started Taekwondo three years ago. When I spent the summer at college a few years back, Trish was the one who drove me to my first tournament. She also comes up to teach at the college even though she works all day, teaches other classes, and has two adorable kids that she needs to get home to. I am amazed and inspired by her ability to be an amazing mom, give back to other people, and have a great career all at once. In a lot of ways, she reminds me of my mom, and I hope to be as good a parent as they both are one day.
So, I go over to spend Thanksgiving with her, and her whole family is fabulous. I haven't been around so many warm, beautiful, welcoming people in a really long time, so this Thanksgiving was a treat. Dinner was fantastic, and I think I've got myself a new stuffing recipe, courtesy of Trish's mom. At one point, I start talking to another gentleman at the table and he's asking me about college. Then all of a sudden, he starts listing a bunch of my friends' names and asking me if I know them. I got a little nervous at first and wondered what I had done to send the CIA after me, but he later told me that he is a professor at Hamilton- one that I've heard many great things about, too. "It's a small world after all..."
Although the food was great and the company was lovely, one of the highlights of my evening was watching Trish's son and the son of another guest who was from Japan play together all night. The other boy did not speak a lick of English, and yet, they got along so well and seemed to understand each other just fine. I can practically hear some couples I know saying,
"It's no wonder they got along well. I'd probably get along a lot better with my husband/wife too if he/she stopped talking so much."
...But seriously, it was amazing. In a moment of reflection I thought, "How great a world would this be if we could all just meet each other- see each other face to face- understand that while there may be language differences, religious differences, cultural differences- we are far more similar than we are different." Sometimes, it's easier to focus on the former. But, the focus on difference also creates divisiveness, which to me, is the root of a lot of suffering in the world.
As I watched these two boys play, I realized that sometimes in life, what we don't say holds more weight than what we do say. Regardless of what language we "speak," there is something about human communication that trumps oral language. At the heart of our relationships with people, there is: the desire to be accepted, to have fun, to gain new perspective. I admired the boys for doing something that many adults seem to have trouble with these days- focusing on the sameness rather than the difference...a lesson we should all learn if we want to leave the world better than it was when we entered into it.
Of course, Thanksgiving wouldn't be complete without giving thanks. I love this holiday because (other than the delicious food) it reminds me to reflect on all of the wonderful opportunities I've had in my life, and all of the wonderful people I have had the honor of knowing who made the journey worthwhile thus far. I am so thankful for this dinner, for the opportunity to try anything and everything I've ever wanted to do- like study abroad in Fiji, or join Taekwondo, or write for a magazine. I am thankful for my education and the past four years at Hamilton College- the extent to which my college experience has changed my life is positively overwhelming. I am thankful for my health, my dreams, and my faith in others and in myself. And, I am eternally grateful to my own mom, who brought me into this world, nurtured me for the last 21 years of my life, and practically hand-stitched a beautiful set of wings for me so that I could fly. The view from up here is truly breathtaking.
Love Life &
Happy Thanksgiving,
<3 Melissa
One of the highlights of my Thanksgiving was having dinner with Trish- my Taekwondo coach- and her family. She has been such a dear friend to me ever since I started Taekwondo three years ago. When I spent the summer at college a few years back, Trish was the one who drove me to my first tournament. She also comes up to teach at the college even though she works all day, teaches other classes, and has two adorable kids that she needs to get home to. I am amazed and inspired by her ability to be an amazing mom, give back to other people, and have a great career all at once. In a lot of ways, she reminds me of my mom, and I hope to be as good a parent as they both are one day.
So, I go over to spend Thanksgiving with her, and her whole family is fabulous. I haven't been around so many warm, beautiful, welcoming people in a really long time, so this Thanksgiving was a treat. Dinner was fantastic, and I think I've got myself a new stuffing recipe, courtesy of Trish's mom. At one point, I start talking to another gentleman at the table and he's asking me about college. Then all of a sudden, he starts listing a bunch of my friends' names and asking me if I know them. I got a little nervous at first and wondered what I had done to send the CIA after me, but he later told me that he is a professor at Hamilton- one that I've heard many great things about, too. "It's a small world after all..."
Although the food was great and the company was lovely, one of the highlights of my evening was watching Trish's son and the son of another guest who was from Japan play together all night. The other boy did not speak a lick of English, and yet, they got along so well and seemed to understand each other just fine. I can practically hear some couples I know saying,
"It's no wonder they got along well. I'd probably get along a lot better with my husband/wife too if he/she stopped talking so much."
...But seriously, it was amazing. In a moment of reflection I thought, "How great a world would this be if we could all just meet each other- see each other face to face- understand that while there may be language differences, religious differences, cultural differences- we are far more similar than we are different." Sometimes, it's easier to focus on the former. But, the focus on difference also creates divisiveness, which to me, is the root of a lot of suffering in the world.
As I watched these two boys play, I realized that sometimes in life, what we don't say holds more weight than what we do say. Regardless of what language we "speak," there is something about human communication that trumps oral language. At the heart of our relationships with people, there is: the desire to be accepted, to have fun, to gain new perspective. I admired the boys for doing something that many adults seem to have trouble with these days- focusing on the sameness rather than the difference...a lesson we should all learn if we want to leave the world better than it was when we entered into it.
Of course, Thanksgiving wouldn't be complete without giving thanks. I love this holiday because (other than the delicious food) it reminds me to reflect on all of the wonderful opportunities I've had in my life, and all of the wonderful people I have had the honor of knowing who made the journey worthwhile thus far. I am so thankful for this dinner, for the opportunity to try anything and everything I've ever wanted to do- like study abroad in Fiji, or join Taekwondo, or write for a magazine. I am thankful for my education and the past four years at Hamilton College- the extent to which my college experience has changed my life is positively overwhelming. I am thankful for my health, my dreams, and my faith in others and in myself. And, I am eternally grateful to my own mom, who brought me into this world, nurtured me for the last 21 years of my life, and practically hand-stitched a beautiful set of wings for me so that I could fly. The view from up here is truly breathtaking.
Love Life &
Happy Thanksgiving,
<3 Melissa
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
One Red Paperclip
I was talking to one of my good friends the other night and we got on the topic of this guy, Kyle MacDonald, who began a series of online trades with a little red paperclip. After a year of trading, Kyle ended up with a house in Canada. Now, this is pretty amazing. This guy woke up one day, decided to trade a freaking paperclip, and winded up with a house in 12 months time. It doesn't seem very likely that one could turn a paperclip into a house, but apparently it is.
This story does something extraordinary; it's equivalent to telling someone how to turn a penny into a silver dollar. It touches upon the incredibly process of turning a small, underestimated object into a huge, treasured possession. Something about this story gets at the heart of what I think all human beings strive to do: grow and develop in value over time.
Now, this same friend always listens to me while I ruminate about what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life (rumination is pointless in most respects, I am aware). But as I put two and two together- my slight trepidation about the near future and this red paperclip story- I realize that we all start off as red paperclips. Everyday is a chance to trade our old selves in for something bigger and better. Sometimes, we don't make the best trades, but we learn from them and wind up doing better in the future.
I love this story because it shows that through it all, you have to keep trading. If you stop looking for something more in yourself and in the world around you, nothing would ever progress. But a big part of trading is patience- if we don't have it, then it becomes easier to make poor choices and ultimately wind up with something we never wanted to begin with.
So what's the takeaway? In my opinion, it is that no matter how little you seem to have or how far you may be from your dream, you have to start somewhere. And after you decide when and how to surrender who you are for who you could be, you have to worry about 100 other things- what you ultimately want in the end, what your next step should be, how to manage all of the hype you generate because of the decisions you make. But the decisions never stop, so we'd better enjoy the ride starting now!
In a lot of ways, we are all that red paperclip, hoping for more. But I think the best thing about that tiny object was that it never tried to be more than it was. Kyle didn't try to sell it as a magic clip or a gold-plated office product. When that trade began, the little red clip was practically screaming, "Here I am. What you see is what you get, so take it or leave it." And people took it. This is a lesson for all of us- that being exactly who you are right now is what makes you valuable.
And if you aren't afraid of being yourself right now, but are still open to a little trading....who knows. You might wake up in a brand new house tomorrow.
Love Life,
Melissa
This story does something extraordinary; it's equivalent to telling someone how to turn a penny into a silver dollar. It touches upon the incredibly process of turning a small, underestimated object into a huge, treasured possession. Something about this story gets at the heart of what I think all human beings strive to do: grow and develop in value over time.
Now, this same friend always listens to me while I ruminate about what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life (rumination is pointless in most respects, I am aware). But as I put two and two together- my slight trepidation about the near future and this red paperclip story- I realize that we all start off as red paperclips. Everyday is a chance to trade our old selves in for something bigger and better. Sometimes, we don't make the best trades, but we learn from them and wind up doing better in the future.
I love this story because it shows that through it all, you have to keep trading. If you stop looking for something more in yourself and in the world around you, nothing would ever progress. But a big part of trading is patience- if we don't have it, then it becomes easier to make poor choices and ultimately wind up with something we never wanted to begin with.
So what's the takeaway? In my opinion, it is that no matter how little you seem to have or how far you may be from your dream, you have to start somewhere. And after you decide when and how to surrender who you are for who you could be, you have to worry about 100 other things- what you ultimately want in the end, what your next step should be, how to manage all of the hype you generate because of the decisions you make. But the decisions never stop, so we'd better enjoy the ride starting now!
In a lot of ways, we are all that red paperclip, hoping for more. But I think the best thing about that tiny object was that it never tried to be more than it was. Kyle didn't try to sell it as a magic clip or a gold-plated office product. When that trade began, the little red clip was practically screaming, "Here I am. What you see is what you get, so take it or leave it." And people took it. This is a lesson for all of us- that being exactly who you are right now is what makes you valuable.
And if you aren't afraid of being yourself right now, but are still open to a little trading....who knows. You might wake up in a brand new house tomorrow.
Love Life,
Melissa
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Math + History = The Same?
I'm not a math person, and I'm definitely not a history buff (though I secretly wish I could have a sophisticated conversation about preemptive war doctrines and differential equations). I'm more of a writing/ marketing/ anthropological kinda gal.
So, when a friend recently told me that his two favorite subjects were math and history, I just had to ask: why in the world are you interested (and probably really good at) not one, but both of these? In my mind, they have always been such different subjects. He responded, "They are actually quite similar. With math, there are a number of different ways to get to the same answer. History is kind of like that, too. With history, you can find drastically varied understandings of a singular event."
Hmmm. I had never really thought of it that way before. But now that I see the similarities between math and history, I'm starting to see the similarities in every subject- with slight variation from one to the other, of course. For instance, with language, you can construct a sentence in multiple ways to get the same general point across. In psychology, experiments can be manipulated and replicated in order to get an expected set of results. In sociology, you can use a number of theoretical perspectives to account for a particular human behavior or interaction.
I am in awe of the beautifully interconnected world that I live in. This notion- that many subjects are similar because a number of paths lead up to one final result- seems generalizable to life as a whole. At any given point, we are responsible for creating our own unique paths which lead us to the same final result. The literal result would be death, but the metaphorical result would be life- destiny, fate. Some people would say that if this were true- if life is prescribed for us- what would be the point of living?
I don't necessarily believe in the prescripted life. But I do believe the journey is just as- if not more- important than the destination. It's kind of like taking a trip. Say I flew from New York to Los Angeles; what happened in between did not change the fact that I started in one place and ended up in another. But, it might've had an impact on how I felt when I arrived at my final destination:
Scenario 1: I could've flown coach in a cramped plane, in front of a kid who could not stop kicking my damn seat, with a mean stewardess who didn't even give me the roasted peanuts I paid for and deserve!
Or, Scenario 2: I could've flown business class with double the leg room, ate a decent dinner (!!), and had a lovely conversation with the attractive guy sitting next to me in a spectacular Armani suit.
...So, there may be just one starting point and one destination. But the different scenarios that could happen in between wind up shaping how I feel and who I am when I finally get to point B from point A.
In life, you choose your own journey. The destination isn't what's necessarily important. After all, we spend much more time traveling than landing. We can follow a path that causes harm and disservice to others and ourselves. Or, we can make a conscious effort every day to live the best life we can. Smile at a stranger; not smiling won't destroy their whole day, but a smile might make it a little better. Put the extra time in at work- maybe you aren't getting paid enough (or at all) for it, but chances are you'll learn a lot more and maybe even get to where you want to be faster. And above all else, love yourself for who you are right now. Easier said than done, right? Of course it is. But, if we are constantly planning and waiting for the next moment rather than enjoying the one we are in right now, we are going to look back in 50 years and wonder how and why we wasted so much time.
I've realized, after that chance conversation with my friend, that everything and everyone is connected in ways that are subtle, but profound. We all travel different paths, only to get to the same end. But we fool ourselves when we spend too much time thinking about the end, as if the end is the point. Are lives are really defined by the small choices- the seemingly insignificant paths we choose along the way.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and watch the History Channel.
Love Life,
Melissa
So, when a friend recently told me that his two favorite subjects were math and history, I just had to ask: why in the world are you interested (and probably really good at) not one, but both of these? In my mind, they have always been such different subjects. He responded, "They are actually quite similar. With math, there are a number of different ways to get to the same answer. History is kind of like that, too. With history, you can find drastically varied understandings of a singular event."
Hmmm. I had never really thought of it that way before. But now that I see the similarities between math and history, I'm starting to see the similarities in every subject- with slight variation from one to the other, of course. For instance, with language, you can construct a sentence in multiple ways to get the same general point across. In psychology, experiments can be manipulated and replicated in order to get an expected set of results. In sociology, you can use a number of theoretical perspectives to account for a particular human behavior or interaction.
I am in awe of the beautifully interconnected world that I live in. This notion- that many subjects are similar because a number of paths lead up to one final result- seems generalizable to life as a whole. At any given point, we are responsible for creating our own unique paths which lead us to the same final result. The literal result would be death, but the metaphorical result would be life- destiny, fate. Some people would say that if this were true- if life is prescribed for us- what would be the point of living?
I don't necessarily believe in the prescripted life. But I do believe the journey is just as- if not more- important than the destination. It's kind of like taking a trip. Say I flew from New York to Los Angeles; what happened in between did not change the fact that I started in one place and ended up in another. But, it might've had an impact on how I felt when I arrived at my final destination:
Scenario 1: I could've flown coach in a cramped plane, in front of a kid who could not stop kicking my damn seat, with a mean stewardess who didn't even give me the roasted peanuts I paid for and deserve!
Or, Scenario 2: I could've flown business class with double the leg room, ate a decent dinner (!!), and had a lovely conversation with the attractive guy sitting next to me in a spectacular Armani suit.
...So, there may be just one starting point and one destination. But the different scenarios that could happen in between wind up shaping how I feel and who I am when I finally get to point B from point A.
In life, you choose your own journey. The destination isn't what's necessarily important. After all, we spend much more time traveling than landing. We can follow a path that causes harm and disservice to others and ourselves. Or, we can make a conscious effort every day to live the best life we can. Smile at a stranger; not smiling won't destroy their whole day, but a smile might make it a little better. Put the extra time in at work- maybe you aren't getting paid enough (or at all) for it, but chances are you'll learn a lot more and maybe even get to where you want to be faster. And above all else, love yourself for who you are right now. Easier said than done, right? Of course it is. But, if we are constantly planning and waiting for the next moment rather than enjoying the one we are in right now, we are going to look back in 50 years and wonder how and why we wasted so much time.
I've realized, after that chance conversation with my friend, that everything and everyone is connected in ways that are subtle, but profound. We all travel different paths, only to get to the same end. But we fool ourselves when we spend too much time thinking about the end, as if the end is the point. Are lives are really defined by the small choices- the seemingly insignificant paths we choose along the way.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and watch the History Channel.
Love Life,
Melissa
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Thoughts on a lazy Sunday
I was at Sunday mass on my campus the other day, and as I was listening to Father Croghan’s homily, I started to think about the types and qualities of interpersonal communication. The homily was about forgiving people- even when they don’t necessarily deserve it. I thought of all the people in my life that I have interpersonal relationships with- how they have forgiven me or vice versa in the past. Sometimes, forgiveness is granted because we ask for it. Other times, the desire for forgiveness- or the desire to forgive- is unspoken. For instance, my mom and I will fight over something trivial; usually a projection of personal emotions onto an unrelated source. But, give it a day and my mom and I will be over it without needing to have a big conversation about what went wrong. Thinking back to the instances of forgiveness in my life, have I been more likely to forgive those I feel closest to because I cherish them the most? Or, am I more likely to forgive people I do not know as well because I am not as confident in my ability to accurately interpret their actions, or care enough to find their behavior offensive/hurtful?
This leads me to another interesting thought about the other end of forgiveness, which is causing pain (emotionally, physically, mentally, financially...). Why is it that we hurt the ones we love the most? Is it because we trust them not to hate us for it? Because we need someone to take our anger out on and they are the “safest” people to do it to? This is, to me, one of the biggest ironies in life: taking for granted the unconditional love that others give us.
Finally, thinking back to the homily and my interpersonal relationships, I wonder how I would define my relationship with God. I was raised Catholic, but my grandparents were Buddhist, so there are crosses next to Buddhas in my house. Some might think I'd be religiously confused; I say I'm religiously infused! Anyway, I can’t help but believe in my heart that I have an interpersonal relationship with this omnipotent being. Sometimes, I feel like God is there just to hear me complain, and I often feel guilty because I call on Big G when I am in need of something- as if I was talking to Santa Claus. But at other times, I can feel God running through me- encouraging me to do my best and navigating me out of the worst. My relationship with God right now may not be as strong as it was at other points in my life. But, isn’t that the nature of all interpersonal relationships? Sometimes to understand how much something/someone means to you, you have to experience life without it.
Some people might argue that God is really just one's conscience. If that's true, then my “relationship” with God is an intrapersonal one. But I'd respond by asking: Are we really ever just one person? At any given point, we assume so many different roles. My mom and my best friend and a stranger on the street all have completely different notions of who I am. To some extent, they are all “me”. So is my relationship with God, or even myself, truly an “intrapersonal” one when it feels like there are multiple feelings or trains of thought going on inside myself at once? I am not sure I will ever know the answer to this question, and I am learning to forgive myself for not always knowing. After all, sometimes the most challenging person to forgive is oneself.
Love Life,
Melissa
This leads me to another interesting thought about the other end of forgiveness, which is causing pain (emotionally, physically, mentally, financially...). Why is it that we hurt the ones we love the most? Is it because we trust them not to hate us for it? Because we need someone to take our anger out on and they are the “safest” people to do it to? This is, to me, one of the biggest ironies in life: taking for granted the unconditional love that others give us.
Finally, thinking back to the homily and my interpersonal relationships, I wonder how I would define my relationship with God. I was raised Catholic, but my grandparents were Buddhist, so there are crosses next to Buddhas in my house. Some might think I'd be religiously confused; I say I'm religiously infused! Anyway, I can’t help but believe in my heart that I have an interpersonal relationship with this omnipotent being. Sometimes, I feel like God is there just to hear me complain, and I often feel guilty because I call on Big G when I am in need of something- as if I was talking to Santa Claus. But at other times, I can feel God running through me- encouraging me to do my best and navigating me out of the worst. My relationship with God right now may not be as strong as it was at other points in my life. But, isn’t that the nature of all interpersonal relationships? Sometimes to understand how much something/someone means to you, you have to experience life without it.
Some people might argue that God is really just one's conscience. If that's true, then my “relationship” with God is an intrapersonal one. But I'd respond by asking: Are we really ever just one person? At any given point, we assume so many different roles. My mom and my best friend and a stranger on the street all have completely different notions of who I am. To some extent, they are all “me”. So is my relationship with God, or even myself, truly an “intrapersonal” one when it feels like there are multiple feelings or trains of thought going on inside myself at once? I am not sure I will ever know the answer to this question, and I am learning to forgive myself for not always knowing. After all, sometimes the most challenging person to forgive is oneself.
Love Life,
Melissa
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