They Call It The Present Because It's a Gift

It is 6:53 in the morning, and I have just finished a 28-page psychology laboratory paper on the relationship between personality and classroom engagement. Sounds obvious, but apparently it's a 28-pages kind of complicated. This paper signifies the end of not only the last psychology course I will ever have to take, but also the finale of my second to last semester at Hamilton.

As I think back on the past 14 painful hours that I have spent sitting in this chair to write an incredibly long and uninteresting lab report, I realize how subjective "pain" is. I bet that I will look back in 20 years and reminisce about those late nights that I stayed up in college writing absolutely useless papers and bonding with my friends over coffee and Opus cookies at 4 a.m. We have this tendency to look fondly on the past (even if while the past was the present, it wasn't so fun), and also to romanticize the future. Yet, it is a challenge for most people to just enjoy the present moment for what it is- to put the "pain" into context.

For instance, I tested for my red belt in Taekwondo a few days ago, and it was one of the most physically painful things I have ever done to myself. Just imagine and hour of straight sprinting, with kicks, punches, and push-ups thrown in for giggles. During the test, I remember thinking, "My heart is literally going to stop if I keep going." But, I kept going because it seemed like the only thing to do. I have never been one to give up when things got tough (including breathing), and I didn't intend on starting now. After what felt like an eternity of dizziness, dehydration, muscle spasms, and stomach pain, the test was over. Now that I look back on it, the test doesn't seem as painful as it did in the moment- now, it feels like the test was a good "challenge." Either way, I look damn good in red.

Sometimes, the only way to push through something hard is to focus on the moment and nothing but that. The same is true for even the best times in life- if you aren't savoring the moment, then what are you living for..A past that has already happened? A future that you aren't guaranteed?

We spend so much of our lives ruminating about what has happened and trying to plan for what hasn't, that we miss the whole point of life in the process: the present. This isn't to say we should completely stop thinking about the past and present- just that we should stop living in them.

Now, remembering the past and having hopes for the future certainly puts the present in context, and without question, gives life meaning. As I focus on the significant turning point I am at in the present, I cannot help but think about where I want to be in the coming year, and how I got to this moment in the first place. My past, filled with good and bad memories, both stings and comforts me. My future is wide open; I have strong- maybe lofty- goals, and like everyone else, sometimes I'm afraid of how far I can go. But when I put aside my regrets about the things I could have done better or things I shouldn't have done at all... when I put aside my fear about what lies ahead for me these next few years- starting a new career, transitioning from college to the "real world," meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones...

I am left with the knowledge of who I am right now:

daughter.
best friend.
stranger.
satisfied with the semester.
has a serious travel bug.
writer.
intern.
dreamer.
wears a red belt around her waist...
and more importantly, around her heart.
open-minded.
Roman-Catholic.
with a side of Buddhism.
...or maybe the other way around now?
waiting on the world to change.
excited to be part of that change.
magazine lover.
sad that Rick Reilly is leaving SI.
happy that she gets to see her mom in 3 days.
anxious.
excited.
blessed.



To all of you who are at a big turning point in your lives as well, remember:

Who you are right now is more precious than who you were or could ever imagine being.



Love Life,

Melissa