Thoughts on a lazy Sunday

I was at Sunday mass on my campus the other day, and as I was listening to Father Croghan’s homily, I started to think about the types and qualities of interpersonal communication. The homily was about forgiving people- even when they don’t necessarily deserve it. I thought of all the people in my life that I have interpersonal relationships with- how they have forgiven me or vice versa in the past. Sometimes, forgiveness is granted because we ask for it. Other times, the desire for forgiveness- or the desire to forgive- is unspoken. For instance, my mom and I will fight over something trivial; usually a projection of personal emotions onto an unrelated source. But, give it a day and my mom and I will be over it without needing to have a big conversation about what went wrong. Thinking back to the instances of forgiveness in my life, have I been more likely to forgive those I feel closest to because I cherish them the most? Or, am I more likely to forgive people I do not know as well because I am not as confident in my ability to accurately interpret their actions, or care enough to find their behavior offensive/hurtful?

This leads me to another interesting thought about the other end of forgiveness, which is causing pain (emotionally, physically, mentally, financially...). Why is it that we hurt the ones we love the most? Is it because we trust them not to hate us for it? Because we need someone to take our anger out on and they are the “safest” people to do it to? This is, to me, one of the biggest ironies in life: taking for granted the unconditional love that others give us.

Finally, thinking back to the homily and my interpersonal relationships, I wonder how I would define my relationship with God. I was raised Catholic, but my grandparents were Buddhist, so there are crosses next to Buddhas in my house. Some might think I'd be religiously confused; I say I'm religiously infused! Anyway, I can’t help but believe in my heart that I have an interpersonal relationship with this omnipotent being. Sometimes, I feel like God is there just to hear me complain, and I often feel guilty because I call on Big G when I am in need of something- as if I was talking to Santa Claus. But at other times, I can feel God running through me- encouraging me to do my best and navigating me out of the worst. My relationship with God right now may not be as strong as it was at other points in my life. But, isn’t that the nature of all interpersonal relationships? Sometimes to understand how much something/someone means to you, you have to experience life without it.

Some people might argue that God is really just one's conscience. If that's true, then my “relationship” with God is an intrapersonal one. But I'd respond by asking: Are we really ever just one person? At any given point, we assume so many different roles. My mom and my best friend and a stranger on the street all have completely different notions of who I am. To some extent, they are all “me”. So is my relationship with God, or even myself, truly an “intrapersonal” one when it feels like there are multiple feelings or trains of thought going on inside myself at once? I am not sure I will ever know the answer to this question, and I am learning to forgive myself for not always knowing. After all, sometimes the most challenging person to forgive is oneself.


Love Life,

Melissa